Do you think it's ok for your boyfriend to do this? Sorry its long?

So many of you might know how on Facebook there is a really retarded yet addicting game called Farmville. Well both myself and my boyfriend play so generally I'm on his profile doing his farm and what not, I'm on there anyway because he tells me he has nothing to hide from me.


So here is the problem almost 3 weeks ago he moved back to PA we both lived in Myrtle Beach and that's where we met but there is no work down here. He was offered his job back as a mechanic up north with a raise plus benefits. Since we were never going to make it down here he took it, he also had severe issues with his dad who lives down here(basically he is a criminal). Now when he left he promised he was going to bring me up there asap really we're just waiting for his check because I have no money, he even proposed sort of. Nothing has been to bad besides being separated and all and hardly being able to talk to him. But now another problem has started, his ex and him have been talking I've seen the messages and we had a huge fight about it not even a week ago and he swore he would never talk to her again. Today I get on and guess what there is another damn message from her.


My question is am I over reacting, I don't believe I am I think it's wrong that they are in touch with one another especially after what he told me she did to him. He swears he loves me and doesn't want to get back with her, he wants to marry me and he's working his *** off trying to get me up there. I don't trust people I've been through so much so it makes it hard especially when is comes to guys. But now he has lied to me and what's worse is that in the message she was saying how she didn't know where he worked because she wasn't in the same area yesterday.


Please help meDo you think it's ok for your boyfriend to do this? Sorry its long?
i think you may be over reacting a little bit. especially if she is sending him messages, and he's not answering.Do you think it's ok for your boyfriend to do this? Sorry its long?
well do not hurt yourself


talk to him


i don't think he is attracted to you .


talk to him.


that is the only way you can fix this stuff good luck


i hope this help
hell yes you are over reacting.


when you find her bra under the covers when you finally get up there THEN you should worry.
overreacting unless there are meaningful words exchanged.
there must be trust in order for a relationship to work.
Do desame swetie ur sexy.F he react den answer him same wat he answred 2 u.Fair enough 4 both of u.
Relax. What have they been talking about? I mean, if she's being all sexy and like hey there hunky or whatever: NOT OK. If she's like hey what's up how you been doing? Maybe she's just wondering what he's up to. If it continues to go on and it bugs you, talk to him. Ask him who got in touch first. Is he answering her messages? If so, what is he saying back. It all depends on what they are saying to each other. If it gets serious and you think something is going on, then ask him what is going on. He's working his buttocks off so you can go up there to be with him, I'm sure it's all innocent. He seems like a nice guy and communication over facebook really isn't that bad. I hope I helped and I hope it all works out for you! Good luck!
You shouldn't worry about what she's saying to him, you can't really blame him for that. But if he tells you that he's going to stop talking to her, and HE continues to send messages, then you should let him know that that's not ok.





Honestly, I don't think you have anything to worry about right now. He gave you his login for his facebook, and he seems like he's pretty open and honest with you.





However, if you notice him start to flirt with his ex, you need to let me know that you're not ok with that. Just don't judge him for anything she's doing.





He sounds like a good guy.





EDIT: Also, Logan W's post has some good stuff in it
you might be over reacting a little bit because i talk to my ex, and my BF knows it. I have no feelings for him anymore, but we are civil and ask how each other is doing. If they are seeing eachother every day and talking every day, then maybe you have every right to over react... but if you feel this stronly about it maybe you should give him an ultimatum: it's either you block her and stop talknig to her or you're done
Well, he swore he wouldn't talk to her, but then he got a message from her?





He can't really control getting messages from her, unless:





1. He messaged her back


2. He couldn't tell her to stop talking to him


3. He likes her





You decide which one it is, because if he swore that they wouldn't talk, obviously that didn't happen, so one of those three happened. That or he did tell her to stop or he ignored her, but she sent a msg anyway.
let him know that you saw the message and tell him that its really not okay.


when a girl is the one who hurts the guy, he never fully gets over her. i think you and your boyfriend need to talk things out. you want to make sure that youre not wasting your life with this guy
Relax, he seems very committed to you and I HIGHLY doubt he is after another girl. You're just letting your jealousy get the best of you. And if it's bothering you so much try to talk to him rationally with reasonable explanations as to why you find it so unappropriated for him to talk to her.





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I agree that if you can read his messages there is nothing going on on his side.





Talk to him nicely. Tell him you love him and want to be with him and that you are afraid that his ex might be trying to mess things up. Be up-front and loving!





Try to get a job so that you can contribute to the relationship financially. At any rate, don't go moving where he is without keeping enough money to be on your own or to get back to Myrtle Beach on your own. Love him. Be with him. He sounds really nice. But don't lose yourself in him!
It sounds like he really does want to be with you. But if you have a serious conversation with him, without yelling, that it makes you uncomfortble when they talk then he should stop. It's not worth it to keep up a casual relationship with an ex at the expense of your current relationship. She was out of his life for a reason, remind him of that.
The similarity between your circumstances and my own is striking. I moved from TN to GA for work. Relationship turned long distance and eventually financial issues on her side caused her to not come down as often. I was left to visit her. Well her ex-fiance started contacting her, because his dad was dying. This guy, not unlike the your man's ex, was a douchebag. Previously, they were engaged and he came home one day and said she had 3 days to move out and he had been seeing someone else for several months. She paid for a lot of his bills, at the time. She had to quit her job, accumulate a lot of debt, and basically lost her mind for a long period of time. Well we recently broke up, and guess who she is seeing?





So I do not think you are over reacting, which isn't to say you are not in actuality. I am not a jealous person in the slightest, but it came to haunt me. So maybe a little more attention should be paid to these kind of occurrences. I think one of them is trying to rekindle an old flame. That is how it goes with past relationships. Very rarely(if ever) do both parties only want mutual friendship. Now if you fight a lot, you may open the doorway for Mrs. Ex to walk on in and ';comfort'; him. This is what I assumed happened with me, anyways. Everyone is different so its hard to say what you should do, but I think there is at least some reason to be wary of that connection being restarted.





I wish you the best. Don't be quick to fight, but don't be quick to discredit your intuition, either. Feel the situation out, and decide for yourself what is best. Never forget, though your current love may be very special... every quality he has can be found in someone else.





Regards
well as long as the messages are clean then you should be fine. i know u probably dont wana hear this but you may just be overreacting a little bit. dont worry about it unless the messages are flirty and personal. your bf knows that u are aware now so hes probably going to be a bit more conscious now too
You can't control the fact that she is sending messages to him. You can't control what other people do - you can only control what YOU do.


Here is what I recommend:


Ask your boyfriend straight up: Are you still interested in your ex? Tell him that you are contemplating a life-changing event (moving) to be with him and you have to know for sure that he's interested in you for a serious relationship. Say that it wouldn't be fair for you to go to that hassle if he's not sure where his heart is.


Here's the hard part: you can't be mad if his answer isn't what you want it to be. Thank him for being honest and realize that you've just dodged a bullet, cuz your life would be a lot worse if you moved down there and he started screwing around with you.


People go back to their ex's for all sorts of reasons, but if she's throwing sex at him, or even just flirting a lot, it could be messing up his head. Just stay calm, act like an adult, and have a serious, grown up conversation with him.


Even if it doesn't work out, there are other fish in the sea, and someday you will find happiness.


Best of luck to you!
I think, for the simple fact he allows you access to his Facebook... he gave you the password, and has NOT changed it since talking to her... you're seriously over reacting.





If he had something to hide, if he knew what he was doing was wrong, if he felt his actions were wrong, he'd be sneaky about it. He'd delete the messages, change the password, and become very secretive.





He's done none of that. He knows you have access to his account, and knew he had nothing to hide. I think that's really cool of him to let you have access to his stuff like that. You should take that as a major compliment that he trusts you that much.





I know you don't trust people, but you need to look at the situation. He's just talking to her. She's his ex, regardless of what she did to him, she's still a part of his past, and you need to accept the reality of that.





He said he loves you, doesn't want anyone but you, so let it go.





I think you need to take a look at your insecurity issues. You need to believe in yourself and know that he's not out with anyone else, he's with YOU. So it doesn't matter if he's talking to other girls or even his ex. I talk to my ex's and my bf is aware of it. He's not threatened because he trusts me, and he knows how into him I am.
You shouldn't try to control who he talks to. It makes you look crazy and her look more sane by comparison


';Today I get on and guess what there is another damn message from her. ';


Don't get angry at him for what she says to him. He has no control over that.





Just talk to him matter-of-factly about the situation and your concerns. If he says he isn't interested, and the messages don't really give that impression, then you just need to trust him for the time being. You don't want to inadvertently become the paranoid girlfriend who drives her boyfriend away.
Ah! The joy of Farmville!





Okay, now, you said he swore he wouldn't talk to her anymore but you log in and there's a new message from the girl. Maybe she's messaging him but he's not answering so don't jump to conclusion.


If he IS answering him, well that's cheap. He lied to you and you're right to be mad but this is still, in itself, not necessary a reason to end the relationship. Lots of people tell small lies to their patners from time to time. Not nice but true.





What were they talking about? Was it personal stuff or just random gossips? I kept friendly occasional contact with some of my ex but still have no interest in them and would never go back to them. Sometime I need help with something I know they can help me with (like a technical question or something) and send them a message. Be rational about this. I even talked with an ex with whom I had kept a friendly contact about our respective new partners and how much we loved them and were happy with them! XD





Now if the conversation is getting more personal, that's different. The best thing to do is tell your boyfriend how much this situation hurt you. If he really care about you as much as he seem to care then he'll take your feelings in considerations.
well, you said that the message was from her. right? was it just a message from her or was he replying? Like was there a conversation going on....she could have just messaged him and if you didn't see it before he did then he could have just logged on, checked his inbox, seeing that it was from her he could have thought about how it made you upset and he would have just not replied. but if he replied then its different. personally, i think you're overreacting a bit. give him a chance...if he says he's serious about you and you believe him then no worries..a relationship is built on trust remember. I have been in a similar situation except it was me talking to my ex...I understood where my boyfriend was coming from but I didn't go and tell my ex straight up that I wasn't going to talk to him ever again because it was hurting my relationship because my ex would've been pretty confused...your boyfriend could be the same. Unless it was a full conversation and not just a message from her. Then it's different.
Like.. it depends what theyre saying. Youre a girl, you know how girls flirt. It could be just innocent and theyre just talking. But if shes flirting, you need to make it stop. ASAP.








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I think your slightly over-reacting


Talkings not so bad, and if you love him , you will believe him when he says he wants to marry you.


If he is working to see you not her, dosent that tell you something


dont loose this guy because of some message.


i wouldnt
I would be. But, has this happened b4? Is it what u think is right? Tell him u love him and like chocolate do NOT want to share him with another girl. If he take offense tell him u love him that much. If it progresses just tell him ur uncomfortable. Say it calm, and snugly. Wish u the best!
he hasn't replied yet... it's probably in reply to his other message before he agreed not to talk to her. see how it pans out. ive been in the same situation with my girlfriend, and its really really annoying and it'll probably make you angry and jealous but you dont have to ruin your relationship over it. if your'e the one he wants to be with then thats the end of it. also, you're faraway and he still wants to be with you... do you not think that says something? he cares. x
He sounds like he had a hard life growing up. Cut the poor guy some slack and let him get some pussy on the side, he will appreciate it.