My boyfriend is too close to his family?

My BF seems to be a little too close to his family. I come from a large family, I am the youngest of seven, and so I absolutely understand why family is so important. We were a very close family. However, as my brothers and sisters grew up and got married and settled down into their own lives, they focused on nurturing their own families. I am now a 28 year old woman who is looking to settle down and have children. My BF of almost a year who is 30 years old is also looking to have children soon and get married. The problem is is that is constantly talks to his siblings who all live out of state. I occasionally facebook/call/drop a text to my sis/bros maybe every other week, etc, but he calls his sisters sometimes every day (then he may go 3 days-but that is rare), and his brothers about 4 times a week, each (3 brothers), and of course his mother- only a couple of times a week. When they talk, they gossip about one another's spouse's or the ';out'; sibling of the moment (or the aunt-uncle-grandparent they have dirt on or even mom if shes being too nosey, etc) and say very very personal things about their marriages and relationships. It's all very weird to me, I would never sit around and gossip about my father, who I respect and love dearly - no matter how old fashioned (40 year gap) he may sometimes be, and I would never ';pit'; my siblings against each other. Yeah, we fought and did that when we were kids, but now we are ADULTS. I love so much about my boyfriend, I make so many sacrifices to be with him- I will probably always make better money, his credit is shot-mine is great, he struggles with alcoholism and other issues- I fortunately do not, etc etc, but its hard for me to understand why he needs these intimate relationships with his family members at 30 years old! It scares me bc I think maybe when we have a marriage he will report everything to them anytime we have a problem, and marriage is hard enough without your confidant/spouse going behind your back, etc. He swears he doesnt do that will me, but I know his mom/sisters ask him personal questions about and my personal business, what will prevent him from telling them if he gets angry. PLUS, what about when we have a family together, is he STILL going to be constantly calling his sisters and giving them a play by play of our life?? aahhhhhh!!! I mean dont they have their own families to care for now? Why cant he have more casual relationships with his siblings, occasionally updating them or emailing them? Please help with some direction!! Whip me into shape if Im out of line ;)My boyfriend is too close to his family?
Lol, i'm only 15 so i can't really relate. But my sister is 21, and my other sister is 19 and one is married with a baby and the other is in a commited relationship with her boyfriend and even though they don't live at home.. we meet up everyday. I don't go a day without seeing each of them because that's just the family we are. It's not obsession or anything lol were just the kind of family where we'd rather hang out with eachother then our friends. Ever thought he just loves his family? Lol, family members always gossip about other family members and even though it may sound bad sometimes, family is family and we basically have to love eachother. So you come from too different families! Big woop.My boyfriend is too close to his family?
You are out of line.


Don't try to force him to put you before them. Blood is thicker than water. You'll lose.
Try talking to him about this issue and listen to his response carefully. And if he says nothing really ask if he can reduce the amount of time you call your family..
YES ABSOLUTLY YES INDEED COUDLNT AGREE


MORE YES THATS VERY TRUE YUEP VERY NICE
Is he hispanic/italian, you would never last long in a hispanic/italian family...lol What we say to others we say to each other, there is no saying things behind our backs. He's close to his family and obviously very open with them, so what, him more so then yourself, its not a crime. And if you asked him not to mention important things to his family, I'm sure he will comply, but as someone else said. DO NOT make him choose sides on this. If you cannot handle it, find some other jerk who will really not care to go to any of your family functions, then come back and tell us how that works for you. I think you will be sadden and miserable. Family is what binds us, though g/fs/b/fs/spouse/partners come and go, he will always have his family. As a marriage partner you are invited to be a part of the circle, it is a privilege, and when they don't like you for one of theirs, it can be brutal and lead to divorce. If I were you, I leave him to his family bonding, and you care for yours as you wish, but stop bringing it up and never make him feel he's less of a person b/c he does wish to stay close to his. You will lose.
I will whip u into shape alright. Maybe he is close to his bros and sisters, get over urself and let him be with his familiy
I think your thinking is somewhere wrong.


Why you both cant live together as friends.Everyone should be free top do whatever otherwise you will spoil your life by marring him.





Pl accept the reality.





Dont go beyond your friendship/love ,keep it up seprately nd even dont talk about it
well heres a crazy though... may be he likes his family
just tell that ***** to shut the **** up
just try to explain to him calmly that you dont want him sharing your personal business with everyone, including his family, make sure he knows that your not trying to tell him not to be in contact or not to tell them things, just tell him that there are some things that he just really doesnt have to share with them and that you dont like how they talk about you and your personal life and your family.





I personally think its rude, because he obviously has not asked you if your ok with this, otherwise you would have said no im guessing?





Good Luck.


and if he cant respect your privacy then maybe he doesnt respect you.
What's wrong with a good family man? You sound jealous. However he has boundary issues that you need to discuss with him and you should tell him that this bothers you. There are just some things you don't tell family.





In a way you are right and wrong. How bad is his alcoholism? Maybe you should be more concerned about him getting help.
Do you understand the value of family? If I don't see not talk but SEE my brother and sister and my mom, my day wont go right.. My husband and I live ten minutes away from our family, we our family everyday, talk to them.. Help them when they have car trouble, and share their daily joy.. We have family dinner's on weekends. How can you love family, but bullshit all this crap? You want to have kids? What are you going to teach your kids? Family is good for holiday dinners, and the occasional weekend visit? My God, really.. If I didn't see or talk to my sister every day, that would be horrible.
Well, I think that you should speak to him about it. I have had similar conversations with my boyfriend about him and his Mum getting him undies and discussing other VERY personal things. They haven't always gone over well, but usually there is a compromise in the end. If it bothers you too much, then you need to decide how important it is to you. If you would rather be with him then have it your way, you may have to ignore certain things in order to have a good relationship.
Yes you need to be whipped into shape, a family oriented man is wonderful. Your Boyfriend doesn't yet have his own family and so of course he'd still be very much attached to his siblings and maybe even after he has children and a wife. I am the youngest of ten kids and we are very close, we talk all the time and for hours at a time , each of us, I don't see the problem here, I think that's to be applauded and says alot about his character, find something else to complain about because this isn't anything to complain about.